To change

This morning... well early afternoon, Derek took all the girls to Target. That allowed for me to get my homework in accounting done. It was so nice of him to do so, that I made it a point to have the dishes done before he got back. I also made the simply pasta salad stuff he wanted, and packed him a lunch for work. I just wanted to show him how much I love him. To be honest though it seems as if I'm always doing things to show him how much I love him, sometimes I wonder if he even feels the same or if he is just with me because I do everything for him. More of me says he is with me because he loves me, but a little part of my way down deep and far in the back thinks maybe I do too much for him. I know they are only little things but it is a lot of little things. Setting up the coffee pot each day washing all his clothes. Cleaning up all the dishes and things he leaves laying around. Packing him lunches, and then driving them to him when he forgets them everyday. Going to see him at work each day he is there, now that is as much for me and the girls as it is for him though, because i miss him like crazy and want the girls especially Peyton to have as much time with him as possible. Laying out his clothes for work, or even just his boxer and beater for him to take a shower and come to bed when he comes home. Like I said I know these are all little things but, a lot of little things add up right?! I dunno just kinda seems like he feels he is more important than I am, or just that he just doesn't care about what I have going on. Things that I do that upset Derek, he always tells me I need to change them. Or just in general "work on them". So tonight we had a difference of opinion, and not once in the phone calls did I get loud, yell, or anything. I did hang up the phone, but that was because I didn't want to yell, scream, or get into a huge fight. When he called back, I stayed quiet and listened to everything he had to say without interrupting. I want him to know that I love him so much that I am working on this stuff. I hate to jump around with topics, but I honestly still feel as if Derek is scared of getting married, and just doesn't want to do it again. Anytime I talk about maybe setting a new date and he kinda acts like he is on board but then after we talk about a few dates he then turns around and acts as if its too soon again. I don't know grr.