Helplessness

On June 12th 2012 I gave birth to this beautiful baby girl named Peyton Myranda. Though Derek and I have become parents together for this little one, our relationship still feels as if it's at a stand still. 3 years together and I'm still not good enough for him to marry me. Out of all the things I have to be truly greatful for I can't seem to get passed the fact that, he doesn't see me as his wife. Parts of me think I should give him back his ring and only accept it back when he actually has the intention of marrying me. Why do bad people and people unworthy of the miracle of marriage get to have it, and I have to wait and wonder if it will ever happen for me. It truly makes me feel as if he does not care for me at all, yes we have a child together and we are raising our other two together as well but honestly, what makes me not good enough to have this thing that I have dreamed so long about?! Maybe he will never see me a good enough. :( That is sad to me, but I cannot ever tell him all of this either because he will make up some false date that we sould get married, it will never be talked about again, and that day will like all the rest come and go. Feeling hopeless!