Hurtful

Sometimes I wonder if people think before they speak. If someone asks "Why don't you want to be around me" Naturally it is because you are avoiding someone and making them feel like they did something wrong. You don't expect to hear that they are craving cigarettes and don't want to talk about it. Those two things have nothing to do with one another. So then when it is brought to your attention that your response makes no sense at all, you yell at that person and tell them you don't like them. Mind you this is after they refuse to go buy you a pack of cigarettes. Have fun getting through the next two weeks asshole! Treating me like shit isn't going to help you get anything you want. Frustrating and hurtful. I bust my ass all day long making sure everything is taken care of and all you do is treat me like shit after. Oh I forgot that should mean I kiss your ass right!? Geez, I just needed to vent. Hopefully things get better.

New lease on life.

So it has been a long time since I've last posted. Derek and I got married 5/13/13, we have moved to a new house I have gotten a new job, and Derek has then amazing job of staying home with the kids. We are currently pursuing disability since his siezures had gotten so bad. His memory has gotten worse, and worth each siezure it gets harder and harder for him to graps and retain information.  He is the best father to the girls and they love him so much.

We are still dealing with Jessica's dumb shit but, that will never change. Paige is in 4th grade. Aubrey is in 2nd grade. These girls are so grown up. I am so happy to have my amazing girls.

Sadly on June 26th 2015, we had to put our dog Akuma to sleep.  This is still so very hard to deal with.  I miss his dumb face so much.

Happiness

Things have been going good lately. Aubrey lost her first tooth, so that was very exciting. Derek and I have discussed that we allow Jessica's crap affect our relationship too much. Another thing that I have noticed is when he is working at Waffle House we are not affectionate with each other those days. I try to still be sweet to him because I know how much he dislikes goign to that place. I woke him up early with lunch (fish, pierogies, and tarter sauce) yesterday. Today I woke him up he took Aubrey back to Jessica and by the time he got back home I had a lunch packed for him and a sandwich waiting for him to eat so he wasn't hungry going to work. He even posted on Facebook how I packed 2 grannysmith apple applesauces in his lunch. His post read, "My wife packed two granny smith apple applesauces in my lunch. Thanks wife". I thought that was so sweet. I love you Derek Pounds! Peyton went swimming for the first time today. Really it was her in her bathing suit not going deeper thank her little baby hips. But she liked looking at her feet in the water, it was so awesome.

Quietness

I was under the assumption that Derek was ready to get married. He even said he was. Last night I asked him are you sure your ready to marry me? He hesitated for a long period, right yhen I started to hold my breath. Any hesitation means he isn't sure. Once he said yes, I told him the extreme hesitation scared me. His response was me too. We are now back to not getting married. I can't be mad because he was honest, but this hurts so bad. I don't even know why we are engaged anymore. We have been engaged for 2 1/2 years and he isn't sure about marrying me yet? Though he says he wants to, anytime it is brought up, he freaks and gets annoyed. Makes me wonder if we should even be engaged anymore?! Maybe we shouldn't be and when he is ready then he can actually propose. I don't know, I just truly feel as if no one will want to be with me forever, hell the person I've been with almost three years doesn't even want to be with me forever! :( At least he is a great father. I try to just lose myself in the baby so I don't have to think about it. It is really bugging me though.

Disrespect

I got Peyton's ears pierced today. She has little pink princess crowns. She did so well a lot better than Paige did, I was so proud of her! Unfortunatly Derek and I got into an arguement, He still talks down to me and it hurts because he should respect me more than that! It just hurts when the person you love, disrespects you. I even apologized and he talked as if I should have apologized first, he never feels he is wrong! I just want him to be respectful to me. I do love him.

To smile about

Watching Derek with Peyton, lets me know how truly amazing he is. I love to watch him with her, you can see how much he loves her. I fall in love with him more and more each day. He picked a wedding date as well. 5-5-2013. Cinco de Mayo, I think we can have some fun with the wedding favors. I should really be writing my paper but I had to write this instead. Things have just been good lately. I have also been making a giant effort to not get lous and yell or cuss if we get into little disagreements. I hope it is helping too. I want to spend the rest of my life with Derek. I'm starting to feel like he really wants that too.

:P

My baby had shots today, I felt so bad she cried really hard. But I love her so much. Her daddy came and got her so I could go to my Doctor's appointment. I love him so much, I'm glad we've been having really good days lately. I love when he puts his arms around me, I just feel so warm and safe, kind of like he would save me from anything. I love you Derek!