Quietness

I was under the assumption that Derek was ready to get married. He even said he was. Last night I asked him are you sure your ready to marry me? He hesitated for a long period, right yhen I started to hold my breath. Any hesitation means he isn't sure. Once he said yes, I told him the extreme hesitation scared me. His response was me too. We are now back to not getting married. I can't be mad because he was honest, but this hurts so bad. I don't even know why we are engaged anymore. We have been engaged for 2 1/2 years and he isn't sure about marrying me yet? Though he says he wants to, anytime it is brought up, he freaks and gets annoyed. Makes me wonder if we should even be engaged anymore?! Maybe we shouldn't be and when he is ready then he can actually propose. I don't know, I just truly feel as if no one will want to be with me forever, hell the person I've been with almost three years doesn't even want to be with me forever! :( At least he is a great father. I try to just lose myself in the baby so I don't have to think about it. It is really bugging me though.